So I had my Driving Test today. While I waited for my turn to come, I did what I love doing the most. Read quotes, thoughts, poems which make you feel like you're not the only one who has had those exact same thoughts and feelings. This hobby which started back in my 10th std vacation has become a really intergral part of who I am now. It's scary how 140 characters or so can make you feel good or make you feel not-so-lonely when you feel sad. It's amazing how certain people can put into words something my heart can't explain to my brain. So while I did some reading, it also ended up reminding me to do a blogpost since I haven't done one in a long time. So this blogpost will be kind-a personal.
And it's not like you want to be sad, you just are. Sometimes its just a phase (like in my case) sometimes it lasts for months, maybe years. It's more a familiar term, yep you guessed it, "Depression." It's such an awful period, and telling someone who is going through it to "Cheer up" is like adding salt when you're supposed to add sugar. It worsens it. Recently, with Deepika Padukone speaking up freely about it, was one of those instances when I actually felt proud of someone from Bollywood. When I was going through it, everything seemed dull. The things which interested me the most seemed dull. I had to drag myself to do work which kept piling on. The work which was remaining gave me more anxiety on top of the anxiety I had managed to create on my own unknowingly. Staring at the ceiling fan rotating endless was more fun than going out and interacting with people because seeing how happy people were (or pretended to be, since everyone has their own inner battles) made me self-loathe more.
Alright, so my period of self loathing continued for like I said a month, approximately. And it's not the first one. There have been same instances in the past too. One thing I've realised is, Once you get out of the storm, you're no longer the same person who went in. This period, it changes you, many times, for the better part of it. You become stronger, you have this entirely different outlook on life. You discover a new hobby, or something that interests you like nothing ever has because it helps you divert your attentiona a great deal. (Where do you think my hobby of collecting quotes came from? ;) ) When you finally get out of it, you feel invincible in ways. I'm not saying that you feel invincible as in, "Nothing can destroy my vibe." You feel invincible as in, "It doesn't matter if something destroys my vibe, I'll build it right back on." You feel proud of yourself for making through it. You realise it's such a sweet period of grief. You think you were trapped in a caccoon, but soon enough, you break out of it as a butterfly colored with the most vibrant colors there are.
I'm gonna end by this write up from one of my favorite authors. Paulo Coelho.
The past month for me has been the kind where you feel tired the minute you get out of bed in the morning. You're not tired because you haven't slept because you spent half of the night overthinking about things, You're not tired because you didn't sleep at all, You're just, tired. The kind that makes you feel melancholic where most of the times I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.
And it's not like you want to be sad, you just are. Sometimes its just a phase (like in my case) sometimes it lasts for months, maybe years. It's more a familiar term, yep you guessed it, "Depression." It's such an awful period, and telling someone who is going through it to "Cheer up" is like adding salt when you're supposed to add sugar. It worsens it. Recently, with Deepika Padukone speaking up freely about it, was one of those instances when I actually felt proud of someone from Bollywood. When I was going through it, everything seemed dull. The things which interested me the most seemed dull. I had to drag myself to do work which kept piling on. The work which was remaining gave me more anxiety on top of the anxiety I had managed to create on my own unknowingly. Staring at the ceiling fan rotating endless was more fun than going out and interacting with people because seeing how happy people were (or pretended to be, since everyone has their own inner battles) made me self-loathe more.
Alright, so my period of self loathing continued for like I said a month, approximately. And it's not the first one. There have been same instances in the past too. One thing I've realised is, Once you get out of the storm, you're no longer the same person who went in. This period, it changes you, many times, for the better part of it. You become stronger, you have this entirely different outlook on life. You discover a new hobby, or something that interests you like nothing ever has because it helps you divert your attentiona a great deal. (Where do you think my hobby of collecting quotes came from? ;) ) When you finally get out of it, you feel invincible in ways. I'm not saying that you feel invincible as in, "Nothing can destroy my vibe." You feel invincible as in, "It doesn't matter if something destroys my vibe, I'll build it right back on." You feel proud of yourself for making through it. You realise it's such a sweet period of grief. You think you were trapped in a caccoon, but soon enough, you break out of it as a butterfly colored with the most vibrant colors there are.
I'm gonna end by this write up from one of my favorite authors. Paulo Coelho.
"Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.
No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.
Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.
Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?
I don't know."
Also, posting links to some of my favorite instagram accounts. Go through them!
https://www.instagram.com/beautaplin/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/rupikaur_/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/nikita_gill/?hl=en
Hello there!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how inspired I feel after reading this :)
This is beautiful. Each and every word is painstakingly relatable but the post also ends up on a sanguine note. :)
ReplyDelete