I've been struggling to write about anything for the past few months. It has become very obvious since my last post was in March. Coming out of a creative slump is hard. I write something, I stare at it and then I throw it out or I delete it. The cycle continues. But today, I won't delete or throw it away. It might become a funny thing to look back on some years down the line.

If you asked what I am scared of the most, the answer on most days would be heights and snakes. But they're shallow, generic answers. What am I really scared of? I'm scared of losing the people I love, I'm scared of only existing and not living my life to the fullest. I'm scared of never being able to make my parents proud of me. I'm scared of being stupid, I'm scared of not being liked, of being misunderstood, of people making fun of my insecurities behind my back. The list goes on. I'm a pretty hysterical person. We are our worst critics.

So, I've met people who tell me I'm a calm and funny person. I've had people tell me that I'll do great things in life. I've also had people tell me that I'm just a bitch and I'm too into myself to notice anything about anyone. Out of all the thing that people have told me or I've heard about myself, the only things that I can think about is the "show off" or the "too self-indulged"

So, this year, I've been trying hard to not focus on the negatives. I try and become a better person. This year I've tried to mingle more with people, to reduce the number of mood swings I get (which btw, are too many) and to be more understanding. I think I've made some progress since my relationships with many people have improved a lot. I've realized that working on myself takes time. I can't expect myself to start eating healthy, to go to the gym, to study hard so that I get straight A's, to start awesome projects, etc, etc all at once. I can however achieve everything I wanted to by going step by step. This is exactly what I've been doing this year. And I'm glad that the results have started showing up.